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Kay Commentary 2001-02-11

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The following is a KSCO commentary.  Here is Kay Zwerling:

          Kudos to Doris Sanden for providing some much-needed chuckle time.  These may have been around for a while, but they are still delightful. 

          A paraprosdukian (or maybe it is paraprosdokian, from the Greek meaning beyond expectation) is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to refrain or reinterpret the first part. 

          Here are a few good ones: 
*  Do not argue with an idiot.  He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
*  The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it is still on my list. 
*  Light travels faster than sound.  That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. 
*  If I agreed with you, we would both be wrong. 
*  We never really grow up.  We only learn how to act in public. 
*  War does not determine who is right – only who is left.
*  Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit, wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
*  Evening news is where they begin with “Good evening” and then proceed to tell you why it is not. 
*  To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism.  To steal from many is research.
*  I did not say it was your fault.  I said I was blaming you. 
*  Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut and still think that they are sexy. 
*  Behind every successful man is his woman.   Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman. 
*  A clear conscious is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
*  Money cannot bring happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
*  I used to be indecisive.  Now I am not sure. 
*  You are never too old to learn something stupid. 
*  Nostalgia is not what it used to be. 
*  Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
*  Going to church does not make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car. 
*  A diplomat is someone who tells you to go to Hell in such a way that you look forward to the trip. 
And finally –
*  Hospitality is making your guests feel at home even when you wish they were. 
For KSCO, this is Kay Zwerling.
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