Kay Commentary 2001-02-11
The following is a KSCO commentary. Here is Kay Zwerling:
Kudos to Doris Sanden for providing some much-needed chuckle time. These may have been around for a while, but they are still delightful.
A paraprosdukian (or maybe it is paraprosdokian, from the Greek meaning beyond expectation) is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to refrain or reinterpret the first part.
Here are a few good ones:
* Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
* The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it is still on my list.
* Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
* If I agreed with you, we would both be wrong.
* We never really grow up. We only learn how to act in public.
* War does not determine who is right – only who is left.
* Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit, wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
* Evening news is where they begin with “Good evening” and then proceed to tell you why it is not.
* To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
* I did not say it was your fault. I said I was blaming you.
* Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut and still think that they are sexy.
* Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
* A clear conscious is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
* Money cannot bring happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
* I used to be indecisive. Now I am not sure.
* You are never too old to learn something stupid.
* Nostalgia is not what it used to be.
* Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
* Going to church does not make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.
* A diplomat is someone who tells you to go to Hell in such a way that you look forward to the trip.
And finally –
* Hospitality is making your guests feel at home even when you wish they were.
For KSCO, this is Kay Zwerling.
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