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Download File The following is a KSCO commentary. Here is Kay Zwerling: Once in a while, a truly delightful gem floats around, and this one, every politically concerned American can relate to. Remember, even in the most stressful moments, a bit of humor makes a situation more bearable. With respect to the illegals in our midst, and the decisions our lawmakers are about to make which will decide the direction of our nation for decades to come, this is one such lighter moment. While this letter was sent several months ago, the perks offered to illegals have even increased. This could have been suggested by any sick-and-tired American citizen in any one of the United States to his or her federal representative. It is a great idea. Here it goes: It’s to The Honorable Paul Sarbanes of Maryland.Dear Senator Sarbanes, As a native of Maryland, and an excellent customer of the Internal Revenue Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the process for becoming an illegal alien, and they referred me to you. My primary reason for wishing to change my status from U.S. citizen to illegal alien, stems from the Bill which was recently passed by the Senate, and for which you voted. If my understanding of this Bill’s provision is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for five years, all I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine, and income taxes for three of the last five years. I know a good deal when I see one, and I’m anxious to get the process started before everyone figures it out. Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes every year, so I am excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way that I can apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield an excellent result for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in the past few years. Additionally, as an illegal alien, I could begin using the local Emergency Room as my primary health care provider. Once I have stopped paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures I could save almost $10,000 a year. Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my daughter would receive preferential treatment relative to her law school application as well as in-state tuition rates for many colleges throughout the United States, and I have to pay all her bills. Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the burden of renewing my driver’s license and making those burdensome car insurance premiums. This is very important to me, given that I still have college-age children driving my car. If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal (retroactively, of course) and copies of the necessary forms, I would be most appreciative. Thank you for your assistance. Your loyal constituent, Paul McLachlan Get your forms NOW. Call your Internal Revenue Service at 1-800-289-1040. For KSCO and KOMY, this is Kay Zwerling. Copyright 2007