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Kay's Commentary 2009-08-15

Download File The following is a KSCO commentary. Here is Kay Zwerling.With all the oppressive stuff we have been experiencing these past six months, it is time to put all that aside, and have a few laughs and some trivia instead. It is chuckle time. This one is called ?The Tobacco Smoke Enema?. The expression ’stop blowing smoke up my ass? is still used often. Its origin from 1750-1810 was believed that blowing tobacco smoke into the rectum of one who was unconscious from drowning might help that victim become resuscitated if a narrow rubber pipe was inserted into the anus, and the warm tobacco smoke would help the victim to survive. After several years, that technique became doubtful, so it was stopped, so blowing smoke up one’s ass now means, ?what you are telling me, is doubtful?, or it could be a phony compliment. The next one is ? in South Los Angeles, a four-plex was destroyed by a fire. A Nigerian family of six con artists lived on the first floor, and all six died in the fire.An Islamic group of seven Welfare cheats, all illegally in the Country, lived on the second floor, and they, too, all perished in the fire. Six L.A. Hispanic gangbanger ex-cons lived on the third floor, and they, too, died. A lone white couple lived on the top floor, and that couple survived.Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton were furious. They flew into L.A., met with the fire chief on camera. They loudly demanded to know why the blacks, Muslims, and Hispanics all died in the fire, and only the white couple lived. The fire chief said ?They were at work. Next ? this is called ?What Have We Learned in 2,064 Years?? ? ?The budget should be balanced. The treasury should be refilled. Public debt should be reduced.The arrogance of leaders should be tempered and controlled.The assistance to foreign lands should be curtailed. People must again learn to work, instead of living on public assistance. Signed: Cicero 55 B.C.Evidently we have not learned anything. This one is called ?Inner Peace? ? I am passing this on to you because it definitely works. By following simple advice heard on the Dr. Phil show, you too can find inner peace. Dr. Phil proclaimed ?The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things that you have started. So, I looked around my house to see all the things I started and haven?t finished, and before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of white zinfandel, a bottle of tequila, a package of Oreos, the remainder of my old Prozac prescription, the rest of the cheesecake, some Doritos, and a box of chocolates. You have no idea how freaking good I feel right now. Finally, this one is called ?And then the fight started? ? My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire. While we were in bed, I turned to her and said ?Do you want to have sex?? She answered ?NO'. I then said ?Is that your final answer?? She did not even look at me this time, simply saying ?Yes?. So, I said ?Then I would like to phone a friend?. And then the fight started. My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said ?I want something shiny that goes 0-150 in about three seconds. So, I bought her a bathroom scale. And then the fight started. A woman was standing nude looking in her mirror. She was not happy with what she sees, and says to her husband ?I feel horrible. I look old, fat, and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment?. The husband replied ?Your eyesight is damn near perfect?. And then the fight started. After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver’s license to verify my age. I looked in my pocket and realized I left my wallet home. I told the woman that I would have to go home and come back later, and she said ?Unbutton your shirt?. So, I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, ?That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me?, and she processed my application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience. She said, ?You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten Disability, toO'. And then the fight started. For KSCO, this is Kay Zwerling. copyright 2009

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